Most of my life, I have written letters and notes, in my job and to my friends. I enjoyed writing them, except for sympathy notes, which I found to be difficult and unpleasant.

In my teens, my mother always insisted that I attend a deceased person’s wake and write a sympathy note as well. To satisfy her insistence, I usually wrote a short note on a commercial sympathy card, already carrying an appropriate expression. As I grew older, however, when close friends or important people in my life had passed, I wrote a more thoughtful note by hand, relating an anecdote or two about the departed, and how they assisted or amused me in my life. Those handwritten notes achieved a meaningful appreciation for the remaining loved ones. Invariably, I would receive a handwritten note back expressing sincere gratitude for my note, which not only validated the departed’s life, but also helped the survivor move through a difficult time.

Over the years, my once excellent handwriting had deteriorated into an illegible scrawl, which few could read, so I switched from handwriting to typing the note or letter. Though perhaps less personal, at least the mourner could read and reflect on my condolence. Today, many people forgo formal notes entirely, but write emails, texts, tweets and posts instead. The average note writer today, rarely follows Hemingway’s directive: “Writing is rewriting”, but merely types a message, sometimes using both thumbs, and dispatches it off without a second glance or thought. Today’s writing is more about the writer delivering a quick message than the recipient receiving a meaningful condolence. The niceties of our prior culture have become outdated.

Recognizing this culture change, many funeral homes or mortuaries post a website to encourage friends and relatives of the deceased to write a text to the survivors expressing their symphony. Indeed, such practice is more simple and less painful for the writer, but also less personal to the recipient. In bygone days, the mourner usually retained those handwritten notes in a special place for rereading, as on anniversaries, keeping the memory of a loved one alive. In present day, these handwritten notes have given away to cyber notes, with symbols, sentence fragments and misspelled or incomplete words. As long as the meaning is understood, the responsibility is fulfilled. Sadly, we have become too busy to continue an honored custom.