Author: Robert Eck

Robert J Eck, born in St Louis, Mo. Attended local schools, graduating from Washington University (St Louis) with BSCE and JD degrees. Practiced Intellectual Property law in private & corporate firms; currently retired.

Horror Scope

Posted on by Robert Eck

For those of you who may read your daily horoscope in a local newspaper, a recent article reveals that our birth Zodiac sign may have moved disturbingly into another constellation, thus changing your beloved zodiac sign.  it seems that the Earth’s “slow wobble” has changed the date ranges by about one month.  (McGinty, Jo Craven. “Your Zodiac Sign Isn’t aligned With Stars.”  Wall Street Journal, 22-23 Feb. 2020:  A2.) 

Each zodiac sign is associated with an element; i.e. water, fire, earth or air; and a planet, which becomes its ruler and effects how your zodiac sign interacts with others.  (horoscope.com)  Yikes!  For most people, everything your sign told you about yourself is now wrong, because you were born under an outdated sign, requiring you to move backward to the preceding sign.  Therefore, the tenacious and persuasive Cancer now becomes a gentle, affectionate Gemini.  Other stark differences exist for the other signs.  People who guide their lives by their daily zodiac message are strolling down the wrong path.  How sad!    

I was born a solid Pisces, but now my sign sets on the cusp of Aquarius, thus moving from a Piscine romantic dreamer to an irresponsible, absent-minded Aquarius.  How upsetting!  I am comforted to know, however, that my newly formed traits do not come from aging, but merely from the sun shining into a different constellation than I was led to believe.  A good thing:  setting on the cusp, I straddle the best and the worst of both, allowing me to choose the best traits.  Not all folks are so lucky. 

How many people have searched the signs to select a date or mate?  In my youth, I recall some girls would ask me for my birth date, and immediately tell me my zodiac sign, only to discover that any potential romance was over because it was not astrologically compatible with her sign — notwithstanding my Piscine romantic reputation.  Alarmingly, two compatible signs of old may be incompatible today, as  it was at the outset.  Perhaps, the shifting Zodiac is responsible for the high divorce rate these days.  Earth wobble is the culprit.

For some folks, their horoscope has evolved into a horror scope.  

Janus Words

Posted on by Robert Eck

Janus, the Roman god regarded as the gatekeeper of heaven, is usually depicted with two faces, front and back, each face presenting opposite views.; i.e. a two-faced icon.  (oxforddictionaries.com)  Depending on the answer you want, you have to catch Janus on his best side.  The English language includes several “Janus” words; i.e., words that are spelled and spoken the same, but strangely have opposite meanings, sometimes referred to as “contronyms., or occasionally as “contranyms”   A contronym comprises a homonym (a word with the same spelling, but different meaning), which is also an antonym (a word with an opposite meaning.)  Got that?  

Whoa!, you may say.  How can that be?  Contronyms, however, are not as rare as one may first believe.  Lets look at a few, as defined in the Goggle dictionary:

— Sanction:  (1) a threatened penalty for disobeying a law; (2) official permission or approval for an action.

— Fast:  (1) to move at high speed; (2) secured not to move.

— Cleave: (1) to adhere firmly, stick together; (2) to separate, as by splitting a diamond.

— Peruse:  (1) to read quickly, skim; (2) to read carefully.

— Overlook:  (1) to watch; (2) fail to notice.

— Model:  (1) The original; (2) A copy.

— Left:  (1) departed; (2) left behind.

—  Enjoin: (1) to prohibit an act; (2) to enforce an action.

— Finish: (1) completed; (2) destroyed.

— Continue: (1) to keep doing an action; (2) to suspend an action.

— Handicap: An advantage to ensure equality; (2) a disadvantage that prevents equality.

My two favorite contronyms:  sanction and peruse, which may be the most frequently used and cause the most uncertainly.  In order to understand the correct meaning of these words, one must concentrate on the context of the spoken or written word, not the word itself.  More Janus words exist, but to “peruse” the ten above should provide a “fast” “overlook” with an uncertain “finish.”  I will “continue” further comment.     

Ain’t

Posted on by Robert Eck

As a young child, I had been familiar with several famous pop songs, which featured “ain’t” in the lyrics, including:

— “Ain’t That a Shame.” (Fats Domino)

— “It Ain’t me Babe.” (Johnny Cash)

— “It Ain’t Necessarily So.” (George Gershwin)

— “He Ain’t Heavy, He’s my Brother.” (The Hollies)

Nevertheless, I received correction every time I used the word “ain’t, blamed on improper diction.  After a while, I would cringe whenever I heard someone utter the word “ain’t,” without knowing why. 

Interestingly, the word “ain’t” is not just a four letter word, because it includes an apostrophe, as in —‘—, which suggests an omission or shortening of the word, characterizing it as a contraction.  We all know the meaning of “ain’t,” but do we know what the apostrophe contracts?  Obviously, The “n’t” portion represents a shortened form of “not”, but what does the unapostrophed “ai” represent?  That’s a puzzler!  Some folks believe it stands for “Am I”; but if so, then shouldn’t the contraction become “a’in’t.” — a double contraction.  To be sure, since the apostrophe isn’t pronounced, the double apostrophe would work, but in terms of keystrokes, wouldn’t be just as quick to write “Am not?”  Now that sounds like the playground retort to “are too.” 

As we learned in grammar school, “am not” is not a full sentence, unless the “I” is understood.  The correct expression would be:  “I am not,” which contracted becomes “I a’n’t,” which sounds like “I ant.”  To form the word “ain’t, therefore, we have to reform “I am not” to “Am I not,” then the contraction ‘a’i’n’t works — a triple contraction!.  But if you prefer the phrase “I am not” to “am I not”, then why wouldn’t you just say “I’m not,” the contraction of which would be “I’mn’t”  Frankly, I am unsure how to pronounce that double contraction jumble.

To drill down further, we should explore verb conjugation:  I ain’t, you ain’t, he/she/it ain’t.   Of course, if you remove the apostrophe, and fill in the space, the conjugation now becomes:  I am I not, you am I not, and he/she/it, am I not.  Does that make sense?  The real deal version:  I am not, you are not, he/she/it is not, when contracted becomes:  “I amn’t; you aren’t and he she, it isn’t.  Amn’t?  Now that is a word you do not often hear in public.      

After the above analysis, now I know why people should avoid using “ain’t.

Actually, I have known people that have used the phrase: “I cain’t,” instead of I can’t, which moves into a whole other dimension.  L’u’n’t (let us not) go there.

A Ground Hog Tale

Posted on by Robert Eck

Every February 2, Ground Hog Day hosts a big to-do across the country, providing a mid-winter photo-op for town dignitaries.  They assemble around the humble abode of some local celebrity ground hog, whose name varies by burg, town or city.  In my town, we have our own, “Floozie.”  Every year, our mayor, never shy in front of a camera, positions himself between the camera and Floozie’s front door, and then in a humbling moment, drops down to his hands and knees adjacent the hole, with an upturned smiling face, to assure front page coverage in the local newspaper.  

Last year, when Floozie poked out her head, as is the custom on this day, she retreated quickly to safer quarters.  Normally, that result would signal six more weeks of winter.  But no one knows for sure whether Floozie’s timidity arose from seeing her shadow or the mayor’s toothy grin.  The party out of power blasted  the mayor for hogging the moment, while the other party yelled “sour grapes” for the opposing party’s loss in the last election.  In a spirit of good will, the mayor poked his head inside Floozie’s home seeking to coax her out again.  No one could hear the mayor’s message, as the fit was tight so his voice didn’t carry to the crowd amassed outside.  

All could see, however, that the mayor had become more agitated, because the veins along his neck started pulsating and bulging.  After a while, he started to flail his arms, so the assembled dignitaries realized that they had a public relations disaster on their hands.  The mayor’s head was stuck in the hole.  As you could imagine, since Floozie had spent the whole winter in her den, the odor must have been overwhelming.  

So some well-meaning souls grabbed the mayor’s feet and pulled hard.   Out came his head with a loud POP.  Without missing a beat, the mayor quickly turned to the camera, flashing his toothy grin with an upturned, reddened head and declared:  “With the authorization provided me by my office, I declare that we will have six more weeks of winter.”

Since the “boos” overwhelmed any “hoorays”, the mayor continued:  “But I am going to lower your taxes, provide more jobs, and assure every child gets the best education.”  He hit the right message, because the fickle voters had forgotten about the six more weeks of winter.  

After everyone left, a small protrusion could be observed wiggling from the hole, and a wee voice declared:  “My tale is told!”                

The Bleak Midwinter

Posted on by Robert Eck

If you were asked to describe the month of January in one word, what would it be?  My candidate:  Bleak!  Bleak equates to frozen misery, and other dismal, dreary words.  

Bleak definition:  1) bare, desolate, and often windswept. 2.) cold and piercing; raw; 3) without hope or encouragement; depressing; dreary.  (dictionary.com)  What a word!  How bleak it is! 

In 1852-3, Charles Dickens wrote Bleak House, a satiric novel which critiqued the English Chancery court system, which dealt with wills and estates.  Continual court hearings on frivolous issues enriched the lawyers and judges at the expense of the estate.  A bleak situation, indeed, if you were an heir watching your inheritance whittle away.  Through Dickens’ work, the Chancery Court reformed its procedures.  

Many well known poems had focused on “bleak,” usually in the sense of cold, frosty weather, as chillingly described:

  “In the bleak midwinter, frosty wind made moan, 

Earth stood hard as iron, water like a stone; 

Snow had fallen, Snow on snow, Snow on snow, 

In the bleak midwinter, long ago.”  

In The Bleak Midwinter by Christina Rossetti (1830–1894), an English Victorian poet.

“Winds blow the open grassy places bleak;

But where this old wall burns a sunny cheek,”

Atmosphere by Robert Frost (1874—1963)

“On whom the elements their might wreak;

Save that the bustard, of those regions bleak”

Guilt and Sorrow by William Wordsworth (1770—1850)

Bleak brings no happiness and little hope.  Consider some synonyms: desolate, austere, dreary, depressing, cold, raw, grim, lonely, harsh, somber, sad, dark, gloomy, dismal, bare.  (dictionary.com)  Are you happy yet?  

Please do not give up, however, for bleak is about as low as someone or something may go.  The nadir eventually will turn toward the zenith, so just “grim and bear it,” as the calendar pages turn from January to February, when thoughts turn to ground hog predictions of fair weather.  Hopefully, the ground hog will not see its shadow, thus avoiding the bleak proclamation of six more weeks of winter.  But not to worry, for Valentine’s Day approaches when thoughts of love abound.  Even a cold lips kiss is better than a bleak no kiss at all.  


 


New Year’s Resolutions

Posted on by Robert Eck

On the last day of the year, I sit contemplating what resolutions to make for the forthcoming year.  Ugh!  I hate resolutions, and wish to avoid the typical ones, like:  lose weight, exercise more, read at least one book a month, etc, because my prior experience dictates that they will fail.  Alas, one cannot change a life style by a mere promise to change.  The only New Year’s resolution I ever kept was “To make no resolutions for the year.”  I nailed that one, without one slip up.  

I do not stand alone.  People are notorious for making New Year’s resolutions that they never keep, though starting with the best of intentions.  For example, every January 2, my gym is full of pudgy people hugging and puffing on the treadmills, making it difficult to use a machine without standing in line.  By the end of January, however, many machines open up — solid proof of broken resolutions.  Over the years, I have collected some words of wisdom to which I refer annually, when contemplating making my list of New Year’s resolutions:

—  “Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.”  Oscar Wilde (1854—1900)

—  “May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions.”  Joey Adams, American actress (b 1968)

—  “This New Years I’m going to make a resolution I can keep:  no dieting all year long.”  Melanie White (unknown)

—  “Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits.”  (Anonymous)

 After my usual year end contemplation, I revert to my favorite New Year’s resolution:  “To make no resolutions for this year.”  Truly, I expect no difficulty in keeping it.  And so, I end this year with my all time favorite New Years resolution quote:

— A news years resolution goes in one year and out the next. (Anonymous)